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dilemma:question of being

its almost twelve.11.58pm.sunday 29th january.
In the play back that euphoria song ..kavi aana tu meri gully...rolles.
levering my fully stretched body via my left hand(acting as a stand) and a resultant normal of flat bed ,i feel it is the most comfortable decorum i can manage  when i am on bed.still it pains.and to distribute the pain, i some times shift lever to my right hand.this is what i have learned from engineering--risk distribution.
the euphoria play back continues ..kya karogi tu ghar se nikal kar....


By the way i am deviating from the point.it is some way analogic to a lover proposing to her counterpart"dear,i.....,i..........(the most obvious ardent and urgent predicate 'love you' takes the maximum of time to come out)...and the topic changes.
deviations are indicative is nt it?..............................
By the way coming to the point.I was talking of a serious dilemma that questions,after each question,about the question of my being,my existence.
do you remember  my earliest note...
emblamed in tear
lost in oblivion
i wonder how i wrote ages ago about my today,my tonight.
the play back song changes ..aise veerane me ake din ghut ke mar jaayenge hum
                                                   jitna jee chahe pukaro fir nahi aayenge 
the dilemma is all about multiplicity,multiplicity that is by chance engaged to being of humanity.the dilemma  of being someone's son/daughter,dilemma of being someone's brother/sister,the dilemma of belonging to a society enthrusted genetically,automatically, the dilemma of belonging to a society  framed of approximity ,the dilemma of responsibility,the dilemma of freedom,and the list continues........................
the play back changes......tang karne  ka too se naata hai gujaariya(our relationship gets crafted out of the hide and seek)
what u need to do,what u are expected to do,what you are heading towards,and what u r willing for
when answers to these questions do not have any intersection,any overlap...then dilemma of choice..the dilemma of picking one question out of these is a new question isnt it?
good night babes
good night dudes
its time to pause the cell media player......saathhi mitwa ya anari kaho guriya....(oh my doll! call me friend,call me dear,or call me any thing).....pause



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